This is new…

In the spirit of superimposing meaning onto otherwise random events, I have been thinking of my life as something new. I have been thinking that maybe, I have just entered a new phase.

Entering a new phase is significant because it gives me an excuse to think of certain things in a new productive light. It gives me an excuse to believe I have fresh potential.

For instance, perhaps I suddenly believe that I can be a better person. I suddenly believe that I can learn french enough to speak it and hold conversations. I suddenly think that now is a good time to finish the essays in my drafts. I suddenly believe I can make more money and sustain myself. I suddenly believe I will get more work done. I suddenly believe I will take more ideas from rough notes to published media. I suddenly believe I can get in good shape. I suddenly believe that maybe I can be more in this new phase.

But It has to be new, there has to be a change of chapter. The last chapter has to be over so that all my laziness and my apathy can also be over. All of that can be read as being part of who I used to be. Now I am new. Different. Someone else. Someone more capable.

I know this isn’t true. I am not new or different. I am the same. But I have been thinking of it a lot because it’s a very appealing narrative. With new things comes the need to reinvent one’s self. The new year is a popular excuse people use. In one way, I am already preparing for what new person I will be in the new year. I have already written off who I was this year. I am preparing for who I can be. My recent change of space has been the catalyst for all this thinking — all this reimaging — all this new belief in being more.

In some positive ways, this is proving a very good time for me to dream again. To dream of being and to dream of possible growth. Surely it’s a good time for me to dream of achieving. I have been visualising what achievements I’d like for myself. I have been wondering if I like the idea of being award-winning and if so, what awards are available to me. What can I aspire to?

Already I am thinking of better versions of life I can live. In a better house, a quieter house, a house for me alone, a house with plants and direct sunlight. A house with a dining area and a nicer kitchen where I can cook for friends and lovers.

I am also thinking of travelling. Travelling with intent to return and also travelling with intent to relocate. I told myself that once I moved I would intensify my efforts and consideration for relocation. Well, here I am. It is time for intensity.

I have been thinking of creative work. What I will write and where it will go. What I will publish and how it will change its readers. What I will produce and who will listen to it. I have been thinking of my collaborations. Who will they be with? What will we do together? How will we improve each other?

I have been thinking about these things as a new phase. I am not different but something is.

This is a new chapter. it is.

--

--

Writing what I can| Being Vulnerable and confused| Making podcasts

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Mo Isu

Writing what I can| Being Vulnerable and confused| Making podcasts