2021
Part 1
“You are the main character of your life”
I was sitting in a circle with a small group of people, most of whom I was meeting for the first time. We had been talking about poetry and in the way conversations flow from place to place, we got to this place — talking about prioritising self.
“You are the main character of your life.”
This was one of those conversations where I disagreed with the unanimous idea but did not know how to present my disagreement. I did not know how to say what I meant and to say it clearly, cohesively and completely. I have told myself for a long time that reading will help. The more I read, the better I will become at using language, the better I will become at disagreeing. At 26 books this year, I still do not feel like I read enough and at that moment, I did not feel like I could disagree properly. So that’s what I will try to do here. disagree with the sentence ‘you are the main character of your life.’ This is a very personal feeling for me. You might be the main character in your life (In fact you should be) but I do not think the same of my own life. The movie that is my life is an ensemble cast, like Modern Family or Friends.
I quit my job at the end of last year and have been without a full-time job since. Once people got past asking me what next, that moved almost entirely to asking me how I am surviving. I mean what else do you ask someone in Nigeria who says they are freelancing as a podcast producer. I too would be worried about their survival. What do you do for money? How do you make any? I can be honest and say that I have made very little of it. I haven’t made any money at all since September. At first, it was a choice. I wanted to take a break from client work to finish a story I had been messing around with for a few months. Then it was just unfortunate and hard. The jobs on Upwork did not match what I was interested in (qualified for and good at.) The ones that did match my interest, I had no luck with getting. There were times this year where I earned much more than I did last year. At one of the gigs I worked at, every month, I earned a little over twice what my salary had been the previous year. Granted it wasn't a very hard figure to beat (the previous salary) but still, it felt nice to have more money left after paying for the necessities. I started the year doing labour intensive, life-draining, time-consuming, low paid work on Upwork. The first gig I got kept me up for three nights to be paid I think 30 dollars or so. It was grunt work. I told myself it was necessary. Although this year, I have been hard for cash, I have found myself being a little picky in situations. I got a full-time offer around September. I turned it down. It paid little and I had somehow arrived at a place where I priced my time and my skill much higher than that. Beggars can’t be choosers was not the key phrase in this situation. Know your worth was much better. I chose no income over little. So How have been surviving?
Friends.
This is why I cannot say that I am a lead character. I have done very little leading in my own life this year. Time and time again, right as I was at the very end of cash. Just as I was spending my last 100 naira or 50 naira. A friend has come and has sent me money that has served as a runway for me to get to my next point. My microphone, which has powered a lot of the podcast work I did this year, was lent to me by a friend. My headphones, which I have used in doing personal and client work, was bought for me by a friend. My kindle, where most of my reading has happened, a gift from a friend. My recorder, which is the second most valuable audio tool I own, I bought for myself but with the money I got from an opportunity a friend included me in (even though they had no reason to.) Next to me as I write this is a scented candle a friend gifted me when I said I liked hers. The first plant I have ever owned, that sits on my table right now, another gift. And the latest, in a line of things that I have only because of the people that love me…
It was the 4th of December. I had spent the night in a friend’s house and was to get on a train to Ibadan to spend the weekend with a friend I hadn't seen in months. Edet (my friend, obviously) called me to ask me if I had left yet. I said no. He said ‘cool’. Minutes later, someone called me. He was from a delivery service, he wanted to confirm my address. The address he read was my friend’s house where I had spent the night, not my personal address. Only Edet (and the house owners) knew where I was. I knew Edet was up to something. One hour later, just as I made to leave for the train station, I get a call saying my delivery was here. I go down, take the order and head to the train station. Sitting there, waiting for my train, I unwrap the parcel and see a phone. I call Edet and he explains to me that he and a handful of my other friends had put money together to buy me a phone. For the last couple of months, I had been sharing news about my phone being bad. It had been driving me crazy (you can read about it here.) I was nowhere remotely close to getting a new one. They wanted to do something about it.
I think I am lucky to have more friends than most people might. I have a primary friend group full of people that come together for each other, people that I can laugh with often, people that care for me. It is one of the most present things in my life this friend group. It is so strong that if one of us lives in a house with housemates, those housemates too will become part of the group. In uni, this friend group gobbled up people like an unstoppable monster. You come in as one person’s friend and leave with a community. I am so grateful for them. Outside of that, I have a large number of individual friends spread across the World. Some of them I haven't seen in years but maintain a relationship with through commitment and intentional effort.
I tend to get the sense from other people that you aren’t meant to have many friends. That the title ‘friend’ is meant to be a prestigious one that is hard to attain. I don't share this sentiment. I have lots of friends. I have lots of people that I love and who love me back. There is simply no way that my life is a one-person story. I am barely doing any of the storytelling. My entire story is being facilitated by my friends. It’s not about me. It’s about us. This year has emphasized that.
Part 2
I followed my friend to the airport in October. It was bittersweet. I was happy for the journey she was starting but sad to see her go. I had loved being able to take a bus to her house and spend the day with her. There would be no more of that now. The closest we would get was over facetime. There’s a lot of that going around. People have been leaving every other month. I saw a quote somewhere earlier this year: adulthood is seeing your friends move away to live their lives and being happy for them but sad that they are leaving. I am paraphrasing. I have felt a lot of that this year. I feel this strong knowledge that in adulthood, you either leave or everyone leaves you. There are too many people I love over facetime. I hate it but I get it.
People moving away is usually a good sign. They are likely moving on to something better. For me personally, this year hasn’t been incredibly joyful or successful. In my earlier draft of this review, I wrote that I really couldn't wait for a year when the tone was cheerful rather than sombre. It’s been that kind of year but not for my friends. There are so many people in my life that I witnessed grow. So many new graduates, new jobs, new countries, great grades. People found love. People overcame problems they had been struggling with for a long time. People started the year unsure of what they were going to do with their life and found direction. All the joy I couldn't particularly find in my life, I found in theirs.
Part 3
I travelled out of Nigeria for the first time this year. I was in France for 10 days. I spent 2 of those days in Paris. One of those days I was out and about from 7 am till 4 am the following day. At some point, I found myself in someone’s house surrounded by people I had just met, laughing about things I don’t remember. I walked along the banks of the river, waving at students jamming music along the bank. At one point we came across a swan, at which point I decided I was in a movie. My new friends and I stopped at a convenience store to buy a couple of beers while a couple kissed outside. It was all very surreal to me. Not at all where I had seen myself when the year started. Very little of what I had planned at the beginning of the year came to pass but this was unplanned and it was every bit as magical as I could have hoped it to be. I remember walking through certain framing and thinking that this life felt more like the one I was meant to be living, surrounded by art and loud love. I liked that lovers made excuses to touch each other, I liked that people looked so many different ways, I liked that there was a cafe everywhere you looked. I liked that this trip made me realise how unsatisfied I was with the life I lived. I know now (more than I did before) that I must do more
I did work that I am proud of this year. When the year started, I was some guy with a lot of misplaced enthusiasm about a little known medium. Now, I am known by people — who I think — respect my work. I contributed to somewhere around 34 podcasts episodes this year. I interviewed somewhere around 30 people and was part of (to some extent) another 20 interviews. I am looking to do more in 2022 and hopefully make more money doing it.
I don’t have any resolutions for 2022. I am taking a break from the disappointment. But I am hoping the year will be kind to me. I know whatever the year is, I will get to do it with friends.
